This article was published in the November 14, 2016 issue of The Skidmo’ Daily, Skidmore College’s only intentionally satirical newspaper.
I’m looking for a guy who probably doesn’t exist. My friends tell me I’m unbelievably picky and that I watch too many John Hughes movies, but we all deserve love, right? Anyway, I’m looking for a guy with a rad taste in music. Here’s the catch: I don’t mean songs that are on the radio. It might sound crazy, but I want someone to make me playlists featuring Mac Demarco and The Front Bottoms – I know no one has probably heard of these artists, but I just have to see for myself if anyone else on this campus likes Indie music. I also want a guy with a particular style. This may sound out there, but I find flannels really sexy. And I’m not a klepto or anything, but I would really like to steal some and wear them myself. I know it’s weird, but I just have to see if anyone here would let me do that. Believe it or not, you don’t have to play a sport to peak my interest. This is an unpopular opinion, but I find organized sports a little fascist anyway. Finally, I would like to find someone who smokes – marijuana or cigarettes. I know both are extremely dangerous, but I would appreciate it if no one wrote to me preaching about lung cancer and brain damage. I’m just a girl with pastel pink hair looking for somebody to love. Call me old fashioned, but I just want to drink tea and take polaroids with a guy on a chilly day. Please let me know if you fit any of these descriptions. Maybe we could go on a walk in northwoods sometime. Message me on Kik; my username is SmellsLikeTeenAngst96.
