This article was published in the October 31, 2016 issue of The Skidmo’ Daily, Skidmore College’s only intentionally satirical newspaper.
Skidmore College uses Halloween to bring its community closer together, with organized activities like Applemore or the Costume BBQ. While most of these fun events are for the students, there is one particularly adorable morning dedicated to the little ones at the Early Childhood Center Preschool and the Greenberg Child Care Center. Every year, residents of the on-campus apartments volunteer to hand out Halloween candy to little kids dressed up as sassy witches, spooky ghosts, and jolly pumpkins. The cuteness is almost unbearable!
Not all costumes, however, reflect such endearing innocence. In fact, this year, one dumbass decided to dress up as a clown. If you have been living under a rock, you wouldn’t know that clowns have been a major threat to our safety within the past two months; colorful cutthroats have been swarming the streets of cities all over the world! Even popular Twitter accounts have been referencing the epidemic in their everyday lingo. Twitter user @CommonWhiteGirl has tweeted: bitch if u keep caking on that makeup someone is gonna stab ur ass thinking ur a clown n shit. Tf! Presidential candidate @realDonaldTrump tweeted: I promise to stop the clowns. I know clowns. I am the best at stopping the clowns, to which @HillaryClinton replied That’s cause you are a clown #Lol #Burn #Roasted #ImWithHer.
The bottom line is, clowns are dangerous. Evidently, this little angel gave no shits regarding the comfort and security of the Skidmore College community. One Northwoods resident, a junior, reported “I was excited to see the cute toddlers, but when I opened my door, I was faced with my worst nightmare! Amongst a charming squad of kids dressed up as an American Indian, Anne Frank, and Caitlyn Jenner, there he was – a clown far from silly or amusing. I shut my door right in his stupid, grinning face.”
We asked the scarred victim if he had said anything to the clown before shutting the door.
The student nodded his head. “I told him beat it, bozo!” Stay safe this Halloween, everybody.
